This is my first official 'Shameless (friend of my) Self Promotion' post. I wanted to write something about how inspired I have been my friend Kate Swoboda. I met her several years ago when she began dating a good friend of mine. Over time we got to know one another and one of the things I always appreciated about Kate is that she is very direct. This sometimes made me uncomfortable, as her opinion was not always aligned with mine (when are all of our opinions always aligned...uh, never). And I came to appreciate this quality in her. I came call Kate a friend and have watched as my friends' grew and changed and they worked on themselves and the relationship. And as someone who has spent a good deal of time 'working' on my relationship, and myself, I have been so impressed and honoured to know them as they have transformed. I'm proud to know both of them and they each inspire me in their own ways.
Yet I digress (imagine that). This post is about Courageous Kate. In the past year(s) I have seen Kate change an enormous amount of the way her life works, and now, at the beginning of the coming year she will have transitioned completely from her former job into a career and life as what she calls a "counselor/coach, retreat leader, and e-course creator". I call it living a life that's more fulfilling and aligned with one's vision for the world, one's purpose. And I find it incredibly inspiring. So this post is to encourage you, dear reader, to check out Kate's site and the projects she has going on. I personally recommend her as a coach and though I have not done the e-course or one of her retreats, I know they are amazing experiences that give participants everything they need to start living a more purposeful, passionate and fulfilling life. And that's something I believe in very deeply.
Her site is: http://www.yourcourageouslife.com/
She has a Vimeo channel here: http://www.vimeo.com/user2236602
And can be found on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/katecourageous
Seriously, take a few minutes to check out what she's up to. I'm inspired reading about this stuff and if you feel the slightest pull, I strongly suggest you try out one of her programs. They have been created by someone who changed her own life and they are sure to change yours if you so desire.
With love and care.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
SF Trip 9-13 December
Hello Friends.
I'm pleased to let you know that I'll be in town from Wednesday afternoon (tomorrow) through midday (noon flight) Sunday. I'm writing to let you know where I'll be in the hopes that we can see one another. Wednesday and Thursday night I'll be staying in Oakland near Lakeshore, and Friday and Saturday night I'll be in SF in the Haight. On Thursday and Friday during the day I will be doing some work, though you should certainly email or txt me if you would like to try to get together. Thursday evening I'll be meditating at The Center. Not sure what's on for Friday evening, and then Saturday I will be at the Breakthrough meditation also at the Center. If you haven't done the Seminar (a prerequisite for attendance at the Breakthrough meditations) there will be a potluck dinner afterwords. Please come, it would be such a treat to see you. Details below:
The San Francisco 21st Century Transformation Center
735 Montgomery Street (at Jackson)
Google Map
Thursday Night Meditation: 7:15-10P
Breakthrough Meditation: 1-7P
Potluck Dinner: 7-8P (we can hang out after too!)
I look forward to seeing as many of you as can come to any of these events or whatever else we can dream up. Life in Boulder is really quite wonderful, and I miss you all so very much.
Love, Ben.
@iamthelovejoy
510 919 91 05
I'm pleased to let you know that I'll be in town from Wednesday afternoon (tomorrow) through midday (noon flight) Sunday. I'm writing to let you know where I'll be in the hopes that we can see one another. Wednesday and Thursday night I'll be staying in Oakland near Lakeshore, and Friday and Saturday night I'll be in SF in the Haight. On Thursday and Friday during the day I will be doing some work, though you should certainly email or txt me if you would like to try to get together. Thursday evening I'll be meditating at The Center. Not sure what's on for Friday evening, and then Saturday I will be at the Breakthrough meditation also at the Center. If you haven't done the Seminar (a prerequisite for attendance at the Breakthrough meditations) there will be a potluck dinner afterwords. Please come, it would be such a treat to see you. Details below:
The San Francisco 21st Century Transformation Center
735 Montgomery Street (at Jackson)
Google Map
Thursday Night Meditation: 7:15-10P
Breakthrough Meditation: 1-7P
Potluck Dinner: 7-8P (we can hang out after too!)
I look forward to seeing as many of you as can come to any of these events or whatever else we can dream up. Life in Boulder is really quite wonderful, and I miss you all so very much.
Love, Ben.
@iamthelovejoy
510 919 91 05
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Russian River Memories
This morning I was listening to the incomparable Amadou et Mariam who I was turned on to by one Mr. Patrick Dooley, old friend, artistic director of Shotgun Players and generally awesome dad, Red Sox fan and troublemaker. Whenever I listen to them I have many nostalgic memories of a week we spent at the Russian River with the Dooley clan (Patrick, Kimberly and at that time, their only daughter) Penelope (and Josephine in Kimmy's belly) as well as the Frassinellis, Katie, Michael and their twins Bobby and Libby.
It was a really special time in the summer of 2006. Michael and Katie had moved eastward some years ago and this was the first time we had spent a chunk of time with them and the Dooleys in what seemed like years. Michael was in town to work on masks and other things for Ragnarok and they made a family trip out of it. Somehow Patrick could get away for a spell (though the boys did run down to the East Bay a couple of times to work on the show).
It was great to hang with everyone, the kids had a ball together, and I took a bunch of pictures. I loved that weekend and have so many fond memories about it I thought I'd post about it. Top memories are definitely dancing in the living room to Amadou et Mariam, laughing, dessert, swimming with the kids, throwing rocks at buoys, and barbecuing bacon for breakfast.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
My Practice
Since my incredible experience in The Seminar in Denver last week a few people have asked about my daily practice. I thought it would be a good topic for a post, so here's what that currently looks like. Brief explanations of some of the terms I use are below the list. Further explanations of practices will be the topics of subsequent posts:
I write this out in the hopes that it will help others find their own daily practice. It is simply what I do which supports my continued spiritual movement. It changes all the time. Some days I don't get to it all. Other days I need to do only one of the things over and over. And my meditations are always different. Sometimes it's a lot of crying. Others it's a dance and I'm focused on pulling on the love and light of God. Other times it's pure rage followed by calming and deep thinking. The most important thing I've learned is to stay open to what it needs to be today.
More on my experience in The Seminar when I have time to sit down and write it out.Comments are welcome. Hope this helps and/or inspires any of you.
- I wake up around 6:30. I do 5 minutes of a practice called the Prayerful Breath and then 5-10 minutes of silent sitting meditation. I then write a to-do today list for the day and spend 10-15 minutes writing REs and journaling. In my silent meditation I typically find my prayer and intention for the day.
- I carry an RE pad with me all day. When I have thoughts, I write them down. I keep my to-do today list in that same pad so when I get things done I can cross them off.
- I meditate between 30 and 60 minutes daily. Usually I use a 45 minute playlist unless I'm up very late and need rest. Then I'll do 30 or listen to a talk before bed.
- During the course of my day I maintain an awareness of where I can take conversations deeper. Where I can talk about God, love, spirituality, connection, the illusion of separation, etc. If I haven't had a conversation like this with someone I don't know already I try to have one with Mary, or someone in my community of friends.
- To the best of my ability I situate myself in true care for everyone I meet.
- I write a letter to my spiritual teacher once a week.
- Once a month I get together with my spiritual teacher to discuss my movement. Sometimes this meeting is on the phone.
- Once a week I attend a longer meditation. If I can't make it to the Center I do an extended meditation (90 minutes or so) at home.
- I attend breakthrough meditation once a month, again, if I can't make it I do an extended meditation at home a few times.
- I attend the God's Love is for Everyone monthly meeting either by phone or in person.
- Sundays is my day of rest, and I don't do anything related to the program unless I need to release emotions, or I am supporting someone who's having a hard time. My phone is on and I receive txts and messages though I typically don't answer it.
- The Prayerful Breath is a practice of focusing your mind in prayer that combines an awareness of the breath and a simple movement done with your hands.
- Writing REs is a practice of capturing thoughts and actions on a pad and a system for organizing them so that these thoughts aren't bouncing around in my head and distracting me from whatever task is in front of me.
- To Do Today lists are a way of looking at my time in a day, what I plan to do at what time, and what items from my to-dos I can accomplish reasonably in the course of that day.
- I keep both of the above in a Field Notes pad which is with me all the time.
- The God's Love is for Everyone Program is a program for Seminar graduates I participate in with people from The Center in San Francisco. I have a "coach" who I write to and supports me in my daily practice and the various challenges life presents.
I write this out in the hopes that it will help others find their own daily practice. It is simply what I do which supports my continued spiritual movement. It changes all the time. Some days I don't get to it all. Other days I need to do only one of the things over and over. And my meditations are always different. Sometimes it's a lot of crying. Others it's a dance and I'm focused on pulling on the love and light of God. Other times it's pure rage followed by calming and deep thinking. The most important thing I've learned is to stay open to what it needs to be today.
More on my experience in The Seminar when I have time to sit down and write it out.Comments are welcome. Hope this helps and/or inspires any of you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Fresh on Flickr
Posted a new FLickr set titled 'Recent' with some of the more, well, recent images from our life here in Boulder. I'll try to keep it fresh. Check it out here.
The Story of Boulder
This is the text of a letter we wrote to our friends about moving to Boulder and our path which led us in this direction. Republishing it here as I originally intended it to be a blog post and never got around to it, plus, wasn't ready to share the blog as publicly yet. Funny how things change that way...It's now been annotated with some Flickr links at the bottom.
**August 2010 Update with More Flickr Images of our New Home**
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Dear family & friends,
As some of you may know, for several years our family has been in a discussion about the kind of lifestyle we want. As much as we love northern California, we've felt for some time that there were some things missing for us. In no particular order, they include a desire to live somewhere Fiona can go outside without us worrying or having to accompany her, slower pace, more rural, more peaceful, seasonal, less expensive, and a real estate market where we can eventually own a home again. Now this needed to be a pretty special place, since in addition to the above laundry list, we also had a few requirements like a good Waldorf school, spiritual community for both Mary and Ben, work for Ben, political leaning not too disparate from our own, and ideally music, theatre, art and cycling scenes we are interested in being part of.
Over time we had been looking at a variety of destinations around California, and though we had some really exciting ideas, in CA they mostly fell short on the cost. Then, we opened our minds to go beyond our beloved CA and started looking at other places in the country. During that search we happened upon Boulder, CO. On paper, or rather the internets as it were, Boulder looked incredible. It literally had everything on our list. Both lists really. So after some looking around online, and giving it some serious thought, we decided it was worth a visit to see for ourselves.
Our time in CO was miraculous, and I use the word very specifically. From almost the moment we arrived, it felt as though this was the right next step for our family. Then the miracles started.
We had been told by some friends of a couple we should look up who are parents at the Waldorf School we were interested in. We thought we'd call them if we had time. Our first night there we had a nice supper at a lovely restaurant in downtown Boulder. The waiter, who was so friendly, was giving us all sorts of tips, and so we asked him where to go for tea and pastry before our appointment at Shining Mountain. Oh, you're going to Shining Mountain? I'll see you there, my wife teaches in the kindergarten and I am helping out with the summer camp. Lo and behold, he's the dad of the couple our friends had recommended we call.
The next morning we go to the school, it's lovely, fall in love with the campus, and then meet the teacher who Fiona immediately fell in love with (and who loved Fiona). At the end of our visit the teacher invited us to join her class if we were going to move.
That night we decide to look around online for a place since everything had been going so well, and so we could get a sense of the rents. We found a few houses for rent in the neighborhood near what would become Fiona's school, and sent a few emails. One got back to us the next morning and invited us to come by in the afternoon. When we arrived, once again, it felt like we were getting home. It was a family, who was looking to replace themselves with another family. We were the first ones to respond to their post and they'd received a bunch of email since. The little 3 bedroom, 2 and a half bath house we were looking at was perfect. Yard, garage, basement for a home office, bedrooms for us and Fiona, and a small guest room (a necessity given how many people we want to have come visit us), and all of this on a lovely little cul-de-sac in a neighborhood full of families, with a small park at one end and walking distance from school to boot. Did we mention the neighbors, a family with a 7 year old girl on one side (we haven't met yet) and her grandparents on the other side (we did meet, very sweet)? The couple said if we wanted to fill out an application they'd recommend us to the landlord and not respond to any of the other emails.
That night we send the landlord a letter explaining who we are, why we like the house, and explaining our situation. We fill out the application and go to take it back to the couple the next day. The landlord calls us when we pull into the driveway and says "Wow, you guys sound great, if your check doesn't bounce, you've got the house if you want it." She hasn't even seen our application.
By this time we decided that in the final hour and a half of our trip, Ben should probably look for a job, given how everything else was going. Kidding here, though it did cross our minds. So, the end of this long story is, on August 21st the movers will come, put all of our belongings into a truck and drive away. The following day Fiona, Mary and Ben will start a three day drive to Boulder, CO where we will make our new home. The miracles that fell into place to make this all possible have also allowed us to focus on the part we will miss the most. Our dear friends. It is you who it's hard to leave, you who tug at our heartstrings, you who we will miss so dearly. And yet, we are following our hearts to Boulder. We hope you will come to visit, and share in the joy of our adventure.
We're including our new details below, and of course our email, Facebook, Twitter and Flickr handles all remain the same. All of a sudden, our social networks are going to come in much handier. Thanks internets!
Ben, Mary & Fiona
4176 Amber Place
Boulder CO 80304
303 449 0749
With so much love and gratitude for each and every one of you. And a prayer we'll be together soon.
Ben, Mary & Fiona
P.S. Now there's some evidence on my Flickr, here's a link to some of the images I've been taking since we arrived:
Recent shots from our life in Boulder
Fiona's new school
What would become our house
And the house we ended up buying!
**August 2010 Update with More Flickr Images of our New Home**
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Dear family & friends,
As some of you may know, for several years our family has been in a discussion about the kind of lifestyle we want. As much as we love northern California, we've felt for some time that there were some things missing for us. In no particular order, they include a desire to live somewhere Fiona can go outside without us worrying or having to accompany her, slower pace, more rural, more peaceful, seasonal, less expensive, and a real estate market where we can eventually own a home again. Now this needed to be a pretty special place, since in addition to the above laundry list, we also had a few requirements like a good Waldorf school, spiritual community for both Mary and Ben, work for Ben, political leaning not too disparate from our own, and ideally music, theatre, art and cycling scenes we are interested in being part of.
Over time we had been looking at a variety of destinations around California, and though we had some really exciting ideas, in CA they mostly fell short on the cost. Then, we opened our minds to go beyond our beloved CA and started looking at other places in the country. During that search we happened upon Boulder, CO. On paper, or rather the internets as it were, Boulder looked incredible. It literally had everything on our list. Both lists really. So after some looking around online, and giving it some serious thought, we decided it was worth a visit to see for ourselves.
Our time in CO was miraculous, and I use the word very specifically. From almost the moment we arrived, it felt as though this was the right next step for our family. Then the miracles started.
We had been told by some friends of a couple we should look up who are parents at the Waldorf School we were interested in. We thought we'd call them if we had time. Our first night there we had a nice supper at a lovely restaurant in downtown Boulder. The waiter, who was so friendly, was giving us all sorts of tips, and so we asked him where to go for tea and pastry before our appointment at Shining Mountain. Oh, you're going to Shining Mountain? I'll see you there, my wife teaches in the kindergarten and I am helping out with the summer camp. Lo and behold, he's the dad of the couple our friends had recommended we call.
The next morning we go to the school, it's lovely, fall in love with the campus, and then meet the teacher who Fiona immediately fell in love with (and who loved Fiona). At the end of our visit the teacher invited us to join her class if we were going to move.
That night we decide to look around online for a place since everything had been going so well, and so we could get a sense of the rents. We found a few houses for rent in the neighborhood near what would become Fiona's school, and sent a few emails. One got back to us the next morning and invited us to come by in the afternoon. When we arrived, once again, it felt like we were getting home. It was a family, who was looking to replace themselves with another family. We were the first ones to respond to their post and they'd received a bunch of email since. The little 3 bedroom, 2 and a half bath house we were looking at was perfect. Yard, garage, basement for a home office, bedrooms for us and Fiona, and a small guest room (a necessity given how many people we want to have come visit us), and all of this on a lovely little cul-de-sac in a neighborhood full of families, with a small park at one end and walking distance from school to boot. Did we mention the neighbors, a family with a 7 year old girl on one side (we haven't met yet) and her grandparents on the other side (we did meet, very sweet)? The couple said if we wanted to fill out an application they'd recommend us to the landlord and not respond to any of the other emails.
That night we send the landlord a letter explaining who we are, why we like the house, and explaining our situation. We fill out the application and go to take it back to the couple the next day. The landlord calls us when we pull into the driveway and says "Wow, you guys sound great, if your check doesn't bounce, you've got the house if you want it." She hasn't even seen our application.
By this time we decided that in the final hour and a half of our trip, Ben should probably look for a job, given how everything else was going. Kidding here, though it did cross our minds. So, the end of this long story is, on August 21st the movers will come, put all of our belongings into a truck and drive away. The following day Fiona, Mary and Ben will start a three day drive to Boulder, CO where we will make our new home. The miracles that fell into place to make this all possible have also allowed us to focus on the part we will miss the most. Our dear friends. It is you who it's hard to leave, you who tug at our heartstrings, you who we will miss so dearly. And yet, we are following our hearts to Boulder. We hope you will come to visit, and share in the joy of our adventure.
We're including our new details below, and of course our email, Facebook, Twitter and Flickr handles all remain the same. All of a sudden, our social networks are going to come in much handier. Thanks internets!
Ben, Mary & Fiona
4176 Amber Place
Boulder CO 80304
303 449 0749
With so much love and gratitude for each and every one of you. And a prayer we'll be together soon.
Ben, Mary & Fiona
P.S. Now there's some evidence on my Flickr, here's a link to some of the images I've been taking since we arrived:
Recent shots from our life in Boulder
Fiona's new school
What would become our house
And the house we ended up buying!
Yes, a Blog
Most of you probably didn't even know I had a blog, and to say that I do is almost a stretch since I haven't been posting here very much. I'm wanting to change that, so that's part of sharing this more widely. I hope you enjoy or at least get something out of what I share here, and please comment. I want to know people are reading and reacting to what I'm putting out. My aim is for this to be a place I can share my personal spiritual journey, my art and personal creative output, and my thoughts on relationships, fatherhood, life and love.
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Seminar
It's been a year and a half since I first did The Seminar. Only a year and a half? I can hardly believe it. Seems like much longer ago than that. In any case, rather unexpectedly I am now reviewing The Seminar in Denver this coming Wednesday. I'm grateful to be able to attend and both nervous and excited to dive into the work.
I had been scheduled to staff The Seminar with my community in San Francisco. Then Mary's mom had a fall in Maine where she lives and Mary needed to go there to help her get home and get settled. Turned out she was being released the day The Seminar began in SF and Mary wouldn't be home until the afternoon of the second to last day. This basically hosed my staffing plans. I rescheduled my flights for early December, trusted in God's plan for me and hunkered down with Fiona.
We were having a ball. Then one night I get a txt to get on a conference call with Maha (the leader of the Denver community and a group I belong to called the Second Generation), my spiritual master Kalindi and the rest of the Second Generation group. On the call Maha tells us that Kalindi wants as many of us as possible to review The Seminar that's about to happen in Denver. I immediately have resistance, and go into all the reasons I *can't* do it. At a certain point on the call two things happened. Thing the first, before asking us to respond, Maha says something to the effect of "This is your spiritual master calling for you to come to the Seminar, who of you will come". Which is pretty heavy, and I think started off a minor panic attack for me. Thing the second, I tell Maha I can staff as much as possible, and she responds "Kalindi wants to know why you aren't going to review". Now what happened next is what has been very interesting for me to observe and become aware of. I panicked. I could feel the part of me that wanted to say "I will". Except I didn't. I went into a bunch of explanation about caring for Fiona and not being able to take the time. Some of which was accurate, because the truth is I won't make commitments like that without setting it up with Mary first. And I could have said that. And I didn't.
Well it ate away at me. And by the end of the next day I knew I needed to do whatever was necessary to see if I could actually do it. At the very least I had to follow my desire to review. I set about handling the logistics of registering and got in touch with Mary and we started our own process with it. For us, the whole process has been very deep, sometimes painful, and again an opportunity for us to reveal more and get more exposed with one another, which has led to our being more related. Not necessarily more comfortable, definitely more related. More on that in subsequent posts.
What this process has had me really looking at is my relationship with Kalindi. How much am I ready to give over my will? How willing am I to follow her guidance? When she makes a request like this one, because she knows something special needs to happen, and will happen in this Seminar, am I willing to do what she asks? I am already on a Path on which I have agreed to follow her basic guidance, which I do to the best of my ability. And with this experience I am seeing my devotion is deeper than that.
What that will mean for me going forward I do not know. I am still a devoted husband and father, and how I balance my time with Mary and Fiona and on this Path will continue to be my work. I know if I could make a living for my family doing this work and contributing in the ways I can to the Mission I would. However, that's not possible currently, so I continue to love my work outside of the Mission. The work/spiritual balance is definitely another post topic so again, more on that later. For now, I will continue to go deeper into myself, and get myself out of my own way, so more pure love can come through me and flow to those I love and care for.
I wanted to close with a few words about what I want in this Seminar. More post topics surfacing, so I'll touch on the key points, all of which will likely become posts in and of themselves. I have a lot of of blogging to do... I have become aware recently of how I hold myself back in certain areas because of a fear I have of being perceived as arrogant or egotistical. I want to stop. I can now see how it's my ego that's stopping me, and my desire is to walk away from those limits. My other main focus is this notion of 'doing it right'. I can get caught very easily in a pattern of trying to do things right. This is a trap, and keeps me from focusing on actually doing whatever it is I'm trying to do right. A friend said to me the other day, "It's not about doing it right, it's about doing the work". She didn't know how perfect a statement that was for me. And she was so right.
In filling out my application and doing the looking at what I want in this Seminar I became aware of something. When I did my first Seminar, I thought I had taken leaps and bounds, and the feeling I have now is that those were baby steps. Now I'm ready to run.
I had been scheduled to staff The Seminar with my community in San Francisco. Then Mary's mom had a fall in Maine where she lives and Mary needed to go there to help her get home and get settled. Turned out she was being released the day The Seminar began in SF and Mary wouldn't be home until the afternoon of the second to last day. This basically hosed my staffing plans. I rescheduled my flights for early December, trusted in God's plan for me and hunkered down with Fiona.
We were having a ball. Then one night I get a txt to get on a conference call with Maha (the leader of the Denver community and a group I belong to called the Second Generation), my spiritual master Kalindi and the rest of the Second Generation group. On the call Maha tells us that Kalindi wants as many of us as possible to review The Seminar that's about to happen in Denver. I immediately have resistance, and go into all the reasons I *can't* do it. At a certain point on the call two things happened. Thing the first, before asking us to respond, Maha says something to the effect of "This is your spiritual master calling for you to come to the Seminar, who of you will come". Which is pretty heavy, and I think started off a minor panic attack for me. Thing the second, I tell Maha I can staff as much as possible, and she responds "Kalindi wants to know why you aren't going to review". Now what happened next is what has been very interesting for me to observe and become aware of. I panicked. I could feel the part of me that wanted to say "I will". Except I didn't. I went into a bunch of explanation about caring for Fiona and not being able to take the time. Some of which was accurate, because the truth is I won't make commitments like that without setting it up with Mary first. And I could have said that. And I didn't.
Well it ate away at me. And by the end of the next day I knew I needed to do whatever was necessary to see if I could actually do it. At the very least I had to follow my desire to review. I set about handling the logistics of registering and got in touch with Mary and we started our own process with it. For us, the whole process has been very deep, sometimes painful, and again an opportunity for us to reveal more and get more exposed with one another, which has led to our being more related. Not necessarily more comfortable, definitely more related. More on that in subsequent posts.
What this process has had me really looking at is my relationship with Kalindi. How much am I ready to give over my will? How willing am I to follow her guidance? When she makes a request like this one, because she knows something special needs to happen, and will happen in this Seminar, am I willing to do what she asks? I am already on a Path on which I have agreed to follow her basic guidance, which I do to the best of my ability. And with this experience I am seeing my devotion is deeper than that.
What that will mean for me going forward I do not know. I am still a devoted husband and father, and how I balance my time with Mary and Fiona and on this Path will continue to be my work. I know if I could make a living for my family doing this work and contributing in the ways I can to the Mission I would. However, that's not possible currently, so I continue to love my work outside of the Mission. The work/spiritual balance is definitely another post topic so again, more on that later. For now, I will continue to go deeper into myself, and get myself out of my own way, so more pure love can come through me and flow to those I love and care for.
I wanted to close with a few words about what I want in this Seminar. More post topics surfacing, so I'll touch on the key points, all of which will likely become posts in and of themselves. I have a lot of of blogging to do... I have become aware recently of how I hold myself back in certain areas because of a fear I have of being perceived as arrogant or egotistical. I want to stop. I can now see how it's my ego that's stopping me, and my desire is to walk away from those limits. My other main focus is this notion of 'doing it right'. I can get caught very easily in a pattern of trying to do things right. This is a trap, and keeps me from focusing on actually doing whatever it is I'm trying to do right. A friend said to me the other day, "It's not about doing it right, it's about doing the work". She didn't know how perfect a statement that was for me. And she was so right.
In filling out my application and doing the looking at what I want in this Seminar I became aware of something. When I did my first Seminar, I thought I had taken leaps and bounds, and the feeling I have now is that those were baby steps. Now I'm ready to run.
Tees Tease
I started a new project on Flickr. Here's the description I wrote for it:
New project for November 2009. Part of my looking at the ego has me observing how I think my clothes say something about who I am. Since a lot of my tee shirts actually do say something (on them) I thought it might be interesting to document every tee shirt I wear in November. At the end I will get rid of every shirt I didn't wear and probably a few of the ones I did. If you happen to be reading this and have an opinion, vote for shirts I should get rid of, keep, or give to you. This'll be fun.
Take a look at the growing set here.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Productivity
InBox Zero Explanation
http://www.43folders.com/izero
InBox Zero Video (different than the link at 43 folders)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=973149761529535925
43 Folders is Merlin's site and has tons of useful information. Bop around. Read some of the introductory posts, be sure to check out "How To Use 43F" at the top right.
http://www.43folders.com/
Wikipedia article on 'lifehacking'.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_hack
The Lifehacker site has more on this than anyone could ever need and the message has gotten a little diluted.
http://lifehacker.com
http://www.43folders.com/izero
InBox Zero Video (different than the link at 43 folders)
http://video.google.com/
43 Folders is Merlin's site and has tons of useful information. Bop around. Read some of the introductory posts, be sure to check out "How To Use 43F" at the top right.
http://www.43folders.com/
Wikipedia article on 'lifehacking'.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
The Lifehacker site has more on this than anyone could ever need and the message has gotten a little diluted.
http://lifehacker.com
Friday, January 23, 2009
UP is Up
Up is a photo project I've been working on and I'm intrigued by the results. I've been taking shots with the camera parallel to the ground, making sure not to look at the viewfinder beforehand, and paying minimal attention to what's above me. The extent to which I'm paying attention to it is really limited to making sure I'm not standing under a bridge, heavy tree cover, tall buildings, etc. For the most part it's sky. It started one day when I was in the passenger seat in Mary's car and the sky was incredible, so I stuck the camera out the window, held it straight up and shot. And I liked what I saw. I also liked the randomness of it. So I took a few more. And when they were in the camera they kind of looked the same. Then I got them into iPhoto, looked at them together and it was amazing how different they all were. Not only because some had little snippets of buildings or wires, the blues themselves were so different, and beautiful. So, here it is, in its infancy, UP. I'll keep shooting these and figure out something to do with them later. Click the photo above or visit my Flickr set of the project.
Long Week
Been away from this blog all week. I had started to build up some momentum, and then got derailed a bit. The tibetans fell off, my morning programme of meditation got either sacrificed or massively condensed, it was not great. I felt really tired in the mornings, and was falling back to sleep when I woke up. Trying not to go into any judgment about it.
Anyway, good to be back. I had a busy few days of meetings in my somewhat new post as West Coast Creative Director for Vis-A-Vis. Spending two days at a conference table where you're not really ever the center of attention is a discipline. It was great to meet all the people from the client, and very interesting to see what's being done. I always find that I have an explosion of ideas for a client when I imerse myself in them that way.
Then it was back to 300FeetOut for Thursday and now home on Friday. Next week will be a little more normal. Though I'm going back to a four day work wee to see if that will work better for Nina. I need to see how it will work for me. Always a balance.
Meditation is going really well. The intro at our home on Monday was amazing and seems to have moved a number of people towards attending the Seminar. I feel so ful of love for all the people in my life, and I'm finding that the more I can get out of the way, the more I can serve them, give to them, be in service of God and love. And that's what I want, more and more in my life. Is to be of service.
What I'm coming into is an age where my work, my creative output and endeavors, are no longer the thing that defines me. I love them, and I will continue to be engaged in that work as it earns my family an income and stimulates me in a way that I fing very powerful. And, what I'm really learning how to lean into is making my spiritual life truly first. I thought I had started to do that in the past, and now I'm really learning what it feels like. It's quite something to be letting go of that part of my ego that is so attached to 'who I am' as defined by that work, those thoughts, that persona. When I'm actually none of that. I mena, I'm all of that, and none of it at the same time. All I am, all any of us are, is light and love, when you get right down to it. And we're in this material existence, and we're hopefully doing some great things while we're here, and we're not what our material existence displays of us. We're so much more.
Finally, a few words of gratitude for the people I have come to be surrrounded by. Some are doing amazing work in the world, others are doing amazing work simply by being themselves. I am starting to see so much more clearly what a gift each relationship is, what amazing teachings they all hold for each and every one of us, and how much I can learn.
In love.
Anyway, good to be back. I had a busy few days of meetings in my somewhat new post as West Coast Creative Director for Vis-A-Vis. Spending two days at a conference table where you're not really ever the center of attention is a discipline. It was great to meet all the people from the client, and very interesting to see what's being done. I always find that I have an explosion of ideas for a client when I imerse myself in them that way.
Then it was back to 300FeetOut for Thursday and now home on Friday. Next week will be a little more normal. Though I'm going back to a four day work wee to see if that will work better for Nina. I need to see how it will work for me. Always a balance.
Meditation is going really well. The intro at our home on Monday was amazing and seems to have moved a number of people towards attending the Seminar. I feel so ful of love for all the people in my life, and I'm finding that the more I can get out of the way, the more I can serve them, give to them, be in service of God and love. And that's what I want, more and more in my life. Is to be of service.
What I'm coming into is an age where my work, my creative output and endeavors, are no longer the thing that defines me. I love them, and I will continue to be engaged in that work as it earns my family an income and stimulates me in a way that I fing very powerful. And, what I'm really learning how to lean into is making my spiritual life truly first. I thought I had started to do that in the past, and now I'm really learning what it feels like. It's quite something to be letting go of that part of my ego that is so attached to 'who I am' as defined by that work, those thoughts, that persona. When I'm actually none of that. I mena, I'm all of that, and none of it at the same time. All I am, all any of us are, is light and love, when you get right down to it. And we're in this material existence, and we're hopefully doing some great things while we're here, and we're not what our material existence displays of us. We're so much more.
Finally, a few words of gratitude for the people I have come to be surrrounded by. Some are doing amazing work in the world, others are doing amazing work simply by being themselves. I am starting to see so much more clearly what a gift each relationship is, what amazing teachings they all hold for each and every one of us, and how much I can learn.
In love.
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Reminder
This post is dedicated to the weight I've lost, gained back, subsequently lost again, and now continue to pay attention to. Mary and I spent a good 10 minutes howling on the couch last night when we came across this gem from a weekend we spent down in L.A. with our dear friends Tina, J and Will and then Jake, Lisa and Zane. Olivia hadn't been born yet. I was probably close to my peak weight then, and a man in that condition should avoid sitting in a kiddie pool, with his clothes on no less, at all costs. I can't believe how much better I look in even the shots taken moments before I got into the thing. In any case, this has kicked off an idea about humility and sharing unflattering images of ourselves. More on that when I have time to develop the thoughts. For now, let this be a reminder to me, and to all those I share it with, how easy it is to expand, and contract. Let my current expansion continue internally, spiritually, devotionally, and in my heart rather than my gut.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Day of Distraction
Found it hard to get down to some real work today. It was a good start, Tibetans, the sitting and journaling. Mostly good times with Fiona and Mary before we left. Then a good ride with Ben, good connection with someone from school, where I spoke from a place of real depth, and once we reached the City it was really hard to get focused. There were the wireless issues, couldn't deal with email, then when I was finally getting service and I was online I had a few things to handle for the part time gig, and some emails to respond to. It felt like I never ended up with a solid block of time in which to actually get anything done. Do you ever feel like that?
Meanwhile, I'm taking a photograph each day, not so good with the uploading to Flickr as frequently. Trying to post here every day, which is definitely giving me insight into how it would be to be writing a business blog. I'm now thinking weekly or twice weekly updates will have to be plenty. Maybe a daily photo. My Twitter feed will be up there so there'll be constant content. The meatier stuff will need to be consolidated.
Speaking of meat, I've also been vegetarian since the first. Feeling really good about that choice. And I think it's helping me feel lighter and better about what I'm eating when I eat during the shake days of the cleanse. Feeling like I'm going to stick to it.
Meanwhile, I'm taking a photograph each day, not so good with the uploading to Flickr as frequently. Trying to post here every day, which is definitely giving me insight into how it would be to be writing a business blog. I'm now thinking weekly or twice weekly updates will have to be plenty. Maybe a daily photo. My Twitter feed will be up there so there'll be constant content. The meatier stuff will need to be consolidated.
Speaking of meat, I've also been vegetarian since the first. Feeling really good about that choice. And I think it's helping me feel lighter and better about what I'm eating when I eat during the shake days of the cleanse. Feeling like I'm going to stick to it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Another Fine Day
Starting off another fine day with more Tibetans. Today I'll bike into the City and work at the M-Line offices, then bike over to the Fell Street house for an afternoon with those peeps. I hope to complete a few documents for the Center before I go over. This is the second day of fasting on this cleanse I'm doing. I think I'll use that to make today a second 'Buy Nothing' day, except for the $2 I'll spend on the bike shuttle. I don't know where this is going, and I'm attempting to get into the discipline of blogging first by forcing myself to post whatever I've got. Not that anyone's reading right now. My vision for this is that this blog remain a personal area for musings on my spiritual path, what I'm learning and how I'm transforming. I'll share it with some. Then the lovejoycreative site wil become the home of Benjamin Lovejoy Creative Person where I'll write about business, art, being a freelancer and consultant. ALso show work, experiment, art, photography, etc. Time to wake up the bean. Of course, this will also include schtuff abut being a daddy, though I think I want both to include some of the other. So the personal one might mention something about work, the work one might include some mentions about being a dad and spiritual seeker.
Monday, January 5, 2009
A New Year Ahead
Started off today with 5 Tibetans, then 10 minutes of sitting and then journaling. Today is also the first actual cleanse day of my post-holiday season cleanse (meaning basically fasting, Cleanse for Life drink and lots of water). Today is also the first official "Buy Nothing" day for me, and partially our community. We haven't started as a community yet, and it's going to start slowly with each of us doing what we can individually. I will not be buying anything today, save the parking I paid for a minute ago. Made a last minute decision not to ride the bike in the 50ยบ rain. I won't buy gas or anything else though. Feeling optimistic about this year, and looking forward to all it holds for us.
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